Update on the Law of the Splintered Paddle

Received a rejection from an agent, Gina Pannettieri, along with a two-page, single-spaced critique--something I've never received from an agent. She closed by saying if I were to revise it, she would be happy to reconsider it. Sounds like an invititation to revise to me.

So I'm now into the tenth draft of this novel. The gist of Ms. Pannettieri's comments are that Ava needs more dents in her personality from events in her history, i.e. her dad's disappearance and presumed desertion from the army when Ava was about 13 and her brother Davey's death when Ava was about 9. Davey's death weighs heavily on her because she was responsible for it. She had been told by her mother to watch Davey and not let him wander into the street. She didn't and Davey went into the street and was hit by a car.

Another comment was that Ava ought to have a girlfriend because I don't show her relating well to women. So I've decided to give her a girlfriend.

Annie Yoshida is the granddaughter of the people who own the market below Ava's office. Annie is an accountant and also Ava's canoe mate in her outrigger canoe club. Annie never goes anywhere without chai--like Starbuck with his coffee. Starbuck, by the way, is the Starbuck of literature, Ahab's first mate in Moby Dick. Chapter 9 introduces Annie who asks Ava about her date the previous night. Ava's date had gone badly and Annie is sympathetic.

Annie's grandfather was a member of the 442nd RCT, the most decorated combat unit in WWII. More on that in the next posting.